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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
I'm making changes in my life.
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I'm not okay
2 min read
Just to let you all know, me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago.
And I am really really really not okay.
Despite how I may act, I am just barely scraping by. It is a struggle just to do anything, let alone anything productive.
When I do, it feels empty. Like I'm dreaming, and any day now I will wake up and this will not have happened.
But it will.
And I have to go on dragging myself through the days and acting like I'm fine for everyone else when all I want to do is go to bed and never ever get out. I want to do stupid things, I want to ruin my life and scream and just stop trying.
Because even when I'm enjoying myself, I can't get rid of that tiny part of my heart that is making me feel like I can't really enjoy it. That I can't stop being sad. And that makes me feel really angry with myself for being so fucking pathetic. For being incapable of getting on with my life because I am so miserable. Even on good days, I feel wrong. And it stops me really doing anything.
I know people will think that it sounds like an over-reaction to a break up, but it's not just that, it's everything.
And to be honest, I am sick to death of being told what is the appropriate reaction. How dare you tell me how to feel.
Just because you wouldn't have reacted this way. Well done for being strong. But no amount of "man up"s or "it'll be okay"s is going to change anything.
I know no one is really going to read this, but I have to say it, because I am so tired.
No one is listening so I may as well scream.
And I am really really really not okay.
Despite how I may act, I am just barely scraping by. It is a struggle just to do anything, let alone anything productive.
When I do, it feels empty. Like I'm dreaming, and any day now I will wake up and this will not have happened.
But it will.
And I have to go on dragging myself through the days and acting like I'm fine for everyone else when all I want to do is go to bed and never ever get out. I want to do stupid things, I want to ruin my life and scream and just stop trying.
Because even when I'm enjoying myself, I can't get rid of that tiny part of my heart that is making me feel like I can't really enjoy it. That I can't stop being sad. And that makes me feel really angry with myself for being so fucking pathetic. For being incapable of getting on with my life because I am so miserable. Even on good days, I feel wrong. And it stops me really doing anything.
I know people will think that it sounds like an over-reaction to a break up, but it's not just that, it's everything.
And to be honest, I am sick to death of being told what is the appropriate reaction. How dare you tell me how to feel.
Just because you wouldn't have reacted this way. Well done for being strong. But no amount of "man up"s or "it'll be okay"s is going to change anything.
I know no one is really going to read this, but I have to say it, because I am so tired.
No one is listening so I may as well scream.
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Shiny New Graphics Tablet :
1 min read
I'm working pretty well with my shiny new graphics tablet lately. I hope you can all see the difference o u o
So hopefully, I'll produce a lot more work as I have a lot of free time now (handed my project in) and have to distract myself until the 13th when I get my results.
On Saturday it is my sister's wedding, which will be interesting. I'm a bridesmaid so I might post some photographs if there are any that don't make me look like a man-beast.
I'm going through a pretty stressful time at the moment, so I'm in very mixed moods. Apologies to anyone I snap at.
So hopefully, I'll produce a lot more work as I have a lot of free time now (handed my project in) and have to distract myself until the 13th when I get my results.
On Saturday it is my sister's wedding, which will be interesting. I'm a bridesmaid so I might post some photographs if there are any that don't make me look like a man-beast.
I'm going through a pretty stressful time at the moment, so I'm in very mixed moods. Apologies to anyone I snap at.
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Comment = Drawings
1 min read
I've decided as a game, I'll only reply to comments with a drawing on people's pages.
This is not optional D:
This is not optional D:
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12 Years of Deviantart
1 min read
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